Going Forward, Back

She sighed.  She knew she had taken on a challenging assignment.  But... this was only her first day on the job.  And she felt worn out.  Which was rare for her... she had unbelievable endurance.

Walking to the viewport, she looked out at the starbase.  She hadn't felt so... alone... since her first assignment aboard the Chenowith.  She knew her friend Kelly was here, but... this was different.  The situations aboard this ship were strange, it seemed to Tarana.  Everyone in Starfleet knew the history associated with this vessel.  Maybe that partly had something to do with it.  The Arcadia truly went nowhere any ship had gone before... into the strangest of new worlds.  Only the bravest souls were equipped to deal with it.  She would have felt ashamed to admit it... but she wasn't sure she was ready for this.

And... there was that mysterious Lieutenant Topaz, whom Tarana met after first beaming aboard.  They crossed paths again after she left the bridge.  Someone had reconfigured the corridors to make repairs easier.  Tarana got lost and had to ask for directions.  He looked her in the eye and said, "Y'know, sometimes the way forward... is the way back."  Tarana couldn't help it... but felt there was hidden meaning in the statement.  It was almost as if he knew what she was going through.

Which brought her to the rest of the crew.  Although Bartokians were tolerant of most races, many of the lifeforms living here were a little bizarre.  Tarana hated to admit it... but she felt unsettled.  Truth to tell... a little freaked out.  More than a little.  She thought she had been trained to handle anything... but this?  Living holo-viruses?  Was this sort of thing standard on the Arcadia?  She had heard stories, but... this was a little too strange for her.  Then, there was also the matter of the new exchange officers... Klingons, Romulan, Jem'Hadar.  As a Bartokian, it took her a long time to trust anyone, let alone former enemies, enough to serve comfortably beside them.  Memories of the Dominion War and the long conflict with the Romulans were still on everyone's minds, even after all these years.

Watching the activity around the base... ships and shuttles, coming and going... she wondered if she truly belonged on this vessel.  That was when she noticed the Chenowith, docked in a berth on the far side of Starbase 514.  What were the chances of that?  Bartokians didn't believe in a deity, but... was someone trying to tell her something?  She bit her lip, thought about it, and decided to test a hunch.  It wasn't a decision Tarana made lightly, but she had to act quickly... if it wasn't too late.

She tapped her com-badge and said, "Computer... open a communications channel to the USS Chenowith."

She asked her former CO about a transfer... back to her previous assignment.  The captain was glad to hear from her – she hadn't wanted to let Tarana go in the first place.  She promised to speak with Starfleet Command and get back to her.  An hour later, the approval came through.  Tarana was in the ship's mess, sharing old times at the Academy with Kelly Nacin.  She hadn't said anything... just in case.  But now there was no hiding it.  She quickly explained.

"I am truly sorry," Tarana said, hiding none of her regret.  "It has nothing to do with you or Arcadia... but this is something I must do.  I hope you can understand."

Tarana stood... kissed her friend on the lips, then pressed her right cheek to hers^[1]... trying not to feel guilty for quitting a new assignment so soon after arriving.  She had extended an offer to Kelly, to catch a baseball game on the holodeck.  That offer still stood – if and when they saw each other again.  It might be years... but Tarana never broke a promise to a friend.

She walked out and headed for the transporter room.  Her belongings had already been beamed over.  She stepped up onto the platform, took one last look around... wondering if she might ever return to this ship.  It seemed a fine ship, with a good crew.  Perhaps someday Tarana would return, if circumstances were right and Starfleet would permit it... when she was ready.  She straightened.  "Energize."