I Did It My Way

She looked at her son, then to Soran.  They had a deal.  Had he upheld his end?  Or had he, in fact, deceived her after all, despite her warning?

The reappearance of the crew, like blinking and they were suddenly there, cemented it.  Neria turned in a circle at bridge center, observing those returned, a troubled, pensive look on her face.  This seemed just too... easy.  Convenient.

Havercroft came onto the bridge and handed Neria a PADD.  "Ma'am....the ship's ready to go....as soon as we collect everyone that is.  This has a full report on ship's systems."

Vallien manned tactical, checking instrument readings, internal sensors and bio-condition reports from throughout the ship – if this was really their ship, and not just shared illusion.  "Captain, all hands are accounted for."  He gave Kaiel a glance.  He had witnessed the Sirenn operating these systems with professional ease.  Impressive, for a civilian.  Leaning on the panel, he resumed forward attention, awaiting orders.

Neria bit her lip, absorbing this information, posture tense.  Something wasn't right.  She could almost see it in the air... a sort of 'unreal' feeling.  Was this even happening?  Or just a Nexus effect?

First, the crew reappeared.  Full complement.  Just like that?  No trouble breaking free of their fantasies?  Maybe she could buy that part.  Then Vallien informed her that the El-Aurians had arrived – all 311 who were supposed to be there, as Neria and Soran agreed upon.  Fifty-seven had already departed the Nexus.  Neria's head turned back to Kyle, watching him watch others with interest.  She had placed him in the extra seat to the left of the captain's chair, reserved normally for special consultants or bridge guests – feet just touching the floor.  Unusual though it seemed to have a child on the bridge, he fit the definition of 'bridge guest'.  She looked at him and smiled, a rush of relief and affection sweeping her.  She knew it was highly improper – a child on the bridge.  She didn't care.  Not right now, at least.  Every captain had their own way of doing things... 'captain's prerogative'.  This was hers.  Getting him back had not been easy, and she was not letting him out of her sight.  Yet now that it was done, she couldn't quite believe it.  She had finally done it.  Regained her son.  He was there, back, before her very eyes.

Kyle, intrigued at what was going on, craned his head, looking back and forth at different stations and crew-members, watching what they did, what their consoles did.  Neria felt a pang of worry: Would he grow up to be a Starfleet officer, like her?  Follow in the April tradition?  But, he was only seven.  She was worrying – something she promised herself that she would not do.  Reminded her too much of her father.

Was it too good to be true?  Kyle wasn't acting like a simulacrum....

She gazed towards Ops.  Soran was there, chatting in low tones with Eve, back turned.  Neria had warned him.  If he deceived her...

Soran suddenly looked up, as if feeling her eyes on his back, and turned.  That odd depth... as if he was 'reading' her again, as if he could see through her... told her she was missing something, some final connection.  After all they had been through, it could not have come to this – a simple deception.  What was the point?

Soran smiled that little smile of his.

There were still unanswered questions.

She walked over, squatted before Kyle, took his hands in hers.  He was warm.  Solid.

"Mom... why are you looking at me like that?"

Neria exhaled in relief.  Yes!  Yes, he was real!  She was just being jittery.  She grabbed him in a quick hug, not caring either if others saw her.

"No reason, baby."  She gave him a quick swipe of his hair.  She grinned, and got back to her feet.

"...what coordinates shall I program?" Avi was asking.  "Are we going ahead, or back out of the Nexus, the way we came in?"

"The mission is to go forward," Neria said.  "So... That's what we'll do."

"Coordinates won't be necessary."  Soran was walking around the bridge, moving towards the flight console.

Avi looked up at him, questioning, to Neria, back.  Neria stepped in beside the Ki'tiki and scrutinized Soran.  Finally she cocked her head and said, "Isn't it time you revealed who you really are?"

Soran offered that quaint smile of his, and he seemed to shimmer... shifting, into the form of Frank.  Several crew heads banked in reaction.

Neria crossed her arms and regarded him.  "So.  What was this.  Some sort of test?"

"Not entirely."  The Tau-Alphan glanced to Avi, to Kaiel, and back.  "You desired to know what the Nexus is," he said.  "It is," he gestured at the surroundings, "a ship.  A vehicle of exploration, like this vessel – for an intelligence unlike any you've known.  It brings others to the Nexus, to learn.  The gravimetric barrier is both a door and a means of propulsion, acting also as a sieve, for only those with the advanced thinking necessary to enter.  Be proud of what you have accomplished.  Few vessels of this kind have entered and exited the Nexus intact."

"What about you?  Why Soran?  Why the disguise?"

"We whom you call 'Travelers' guide others when it is necessary – just as your Federation guides others, taking their first steps into a greater community.  This ship, and others like it, is a means to greater understanding.  The role of her captain must reflect that.  You have been concerned over your future.  I was tasked to open the door for you, so that you could take that step and enter."

Neria looked at him thinking, What?  Little ol' me?  He made her sound more important than she felt.  She thought back over recent events.  "Is that what I did?"

"Sometimes, greater understanding arises when one doesn't ask questions, but merely accepts."  Frank observed various crew faces.  "I have seen doubt and suspicion in the minds of this crew.  They could not accept the Nexus."  He refocused on Neria.  "But you, Neria April, were willing to put aside your doubts and believe in Soran, whom you had no reason to trust.  You looked beyond what you saw, what your life caused you to see.  By doing so you opened yourself to change.  This is the Nexus – a showcase, for what can be."

"Soran," Neria said.  "Where is he?"

"Tolian Soran..."  Frank paused, searching for words.  "...'canceled' himself, you could say.  It is possible that he finally found the rest he sought; I do not know.  As I've said, there are some things which cannot be explained; only accepted.  It is difficult to explain in this limited form of communication, when causality is involved.  Yet you sense my meaning, don't you, Captain."

Neria didn't have to think about it.  The recent sequence of events had opened her mind to many things... things she had not given much thought, in the past.

Or the future.

She nodded slowly.  "Yes..."  Her eyelids fluttered, trying to wrap her mind around it, but she gave up.  From her encounter with the El-Aurians who remained in the Nexus, she already knew that they had done so of their own volition.  Fifty-seven refused to accept the Nexus and left, trying to alter the circumstances which brought them there.  Some returned to the lives of which they had been deprived – such as Soran's assistant.  Those who stayed, waited, until they knew they could depart without interfering with the unfolding of history.

Neria looked at Kyle.  An expression of hope.  They still didn't know everything about the Nexus... but maybe it was better that way.  Some mysteries weren't meant to be solved.  The mechanics didn't matter.  Neria didn't know about the rest of them,, but she had come out changed.  Which, she supposed, was as it should be.  Happiness could be found, if one never gave up hope, or trying.  Somehow, it all made sense: Otherwise, what was it all for?

"It is time that I depart," Frank said.  He motioned to Avi's console.  "Coordinates are unnecessary.  If you will engage your warp drive, I will take you to where you need to go."

Avi gave him a dubious glance, then looked to Neria for approval.  Neria nodded.  "Do it."

With a shrug, Avi turned the conn chair forward, started operating the console.  Readings indicated a jump to warp one.  As the ship leaped, Frank did something – touched the console, and briefly closed his eyes, and began to fluctuate, phasing in and out of that continuum.  He became opaque, transparent, until they could see right through him.  He shimmered briefly, faded, and was gone.

Neria looked at the star-streaks on-screen, and at Avi's panel.  "Avi, all stop."

"All stop," Avi responded, hands moving over the interface.  The stars sprang to a halt.

"Check interstellar coordinates.  How much time has passed?"

"It would seem we've 'overshot' the 'mark'," the Ki'tiki said after a moment.  "By these coordinates, I estimate about five years, give or take a month."

Neria sighed.  "That's not too bad.  Should tell us what we're here to find out.  What's our position?"  She leaned in, checking the display herself; they had moved several light-years closer to Sector 001, home of the Sol System.  "Vallien, tap in on subspace frequencies."

Vallien announced, "Captain, it appears that someone is trying to tap in on US.  I'm reading a long-range subspace detection grid, aligned directly with our ship."

Neria looked up.  "Someone knows we're here."

"Getting a new reading.  Appears to be subspace transporter flux."  The Vulcan looked at her uncertainly.  "'Someone' is trying to beam aboard."

"From where?"

"Unknown."

"Can you isolate the pattern?"

He ran the signal through recognition filters.  "One humanoid.  I can't be more specific."

Neria thought about what she had just experienced.  What Frank said.  She had a feeling – maybe it was intuition – that, some day, she would see him again too.  She looked at her son.

Perhaps.