Trek or Treat

Spock had the captain's chair.  "Assume standard orbit, Mr. Chekov."

"Aye, Keptin."

Behind him, McCoy whispered to Uhura, gesturing at the helm console where Chekov sat.  "Isn't that Sulu's job, to fly the ship?"

"He's off," Uhura whispered back.

McCoy grunted.  Sulu was always 'off'.

"He and his..."  Uhura paused to clear her throat.  "...partner, are filming a show for Bravo."

"And what about Jim?  Where's he?"

"Didn't want him stealing the scene."

The planet was orange, and unusual – not like any, repeat, any, ever encountered.  A giant face carved into its surface smiled at them from the viewscreen.  The planet's molten core could be seen within, behind the eyes, nose and smile, casting an eerie back-glow. 

"That's one big pumpkin," McCoy said.

"I believe the correct term is Jack O'Lantern," Spock replied.

"Since when did you become the expert?"

"Yeah," Scotty chimed in.  "'Snot like anyone celebrates Halloweeeen anymuir."

Just to prove them wrong, the doorbell rang.  The bridge officers looked at each other, confused.  The bridge didn't have a doorbell.  At the door, it was followed by a knock, then voices yelling in unison, "Trick or treeeeeat!"

Three kids wore masks of Spock's face.  "Awww, isn't that cute," Uhura said.

"Charming," McCoy quipped, scowling at the resident Vulcan.

In their hands, each held black sacks, decorated with tiny bats, skulls and gravestones.  All three sported Jack Skellington T-shirts.

Spock came to the door prepared, dropping goodies in each of their bags.  They looked inside.

"Tofu?!?" one of them growled.

They reached into the bags and pulled out disruptors.  Moments later they stepped over the Vulcan's smoldering carcass, taking the bridge by surprise, waving their weapons menacingly.

The rest of the bridge crew knew the routine.  They threw their hands up.

The kids whipped off their masks.

"Ach!  Klingons," Scotty said, and fainted.

"We aren't Klingons, dummy," one of them said.  "I'm Lock."

"Shock," said the second.  She plopped a witch's hat onto her little head.

"Barrel," said the third.

"And if you aren't nice, we'll feed you to Boogie," Lock warned.

"We might do that anyway," said Barrel.  Together they squealed, lapsing into hysterical giggles and laughter.

"Who the hell's Boogie?" McCoy asked.  Since Uhura and Chekov were the only ones left (conscious), they shrugged.

"I recognize these children," Chekov said.

"You do?"

"They're demons, from an old Russian folk tale."

"And how do you know that?" Uhura asked.

"Halloveen vas inwented in Russia."

McCoy arched an eyebrow.  (Spock would have done it, but he was dead.)  "You don't say."

The kids got angry.  "No it wasn't!"  They blasted Chekov.  "Stupid Russian.  Thinks they 'inwented' everything."

It was down to two.  McCoy signaled Uhura to distract them, while he sent a distress call.

Uhura had to think fast.  The communications officer broke into a song-and-dance routine.  "If you try to knock me you'll get mocked!  I'll stir fry you in my wok!  Your knees'll start shaking and your fingers pop!  Like a pinch on the neck of Mr. Spock!"

The kids stared, dumbfounded.  Intergalactic?

"Ewwww," Lock said.  "I hate rap."

Shock sneered.  "Me too."

"Shall we?" said Barrel.  Promptly, they let her have it, with all three barrels.

"Beastie Boys?" Shock said.  "In the twenty-third century?  What lame-brain thought that would work?"

The distress call was over a century old.

"Hmm," said Captain Gray, eyeing the report on a padd.  They took a look around.  No Enterprise.  "Guess we're too late.  Helm, let's get out of here."

A floating fish appeared at his elbow.  "But, Captain," Indas said.  "Shouldn't we investigate?"

"Nah."  Gray had more important things to do, but wasn't telling the fish that.  Seemed like Indas knew everything, as soon as Gray thought it.

Then the doorbell rang... followed by kids yelling, "Trick or treeeat!"

Gray sighed, and got up.  Three kids stood there, wearing masks of Shuzo Nakencha's face.